All the Married Ladies

I have a question for the 'experienced' Naija wives out there...How do you cope with decision making in the home? I am engaged to a good quiet guy and he's nice and reasonable most times but guess what? He's from Ekiti state. That is the beginning of it all, cos we all know they are extremely stubborn people. He can be so determined over some issues at times it makes me so exasperated that I am breathless.

Now the wedding is pending and as usual the little arguements and 'issues' over wedding preps is expected, but it still makes me raise an eyebrow, cos even though I love this guy, it is a serious issue for me when he wont see reason.

I am not always right but sometimes I am sure but he wont listen. Then when I am proved right he still wont say a word. Its funny, really because I have been practicing 'agree to disagree' but its wearing me down.
Tis especially frustrating because I am used to making my own decisions and all that independence.
Now he's all luvey-duvey but am not even blinking. Is this normal?

Then the role of motherhood? Does it fit easily? Do you just become a mother, just like that? Cos I cannot begin to comprehend how my body will change over nine months and there's the childbirth part. I hear stories of how 'the lady had several tears and she had to be stitched inside and outside [shudder]' or of how 'the labor took up to 5 hours and had to be induced in the first place'. Tis making me shake. Then having a kid now without proper..er...[financial] preparation is a major issue. My cousin told me that a pack of pampers, the big size that lasts an average of 2 months, costs 54, 000 naira [yes, fifty-four thousand naira]. That alone is making me try to pinch every cost wherever I can.


Then I ask Vicky, when are we goin to start have the babies? And he replies, 'immediately of course. Why wait?'
What about my career? I am already feeling down that I have to leave the posh job I'm at in Lagos to go to the unknown in Abuja. The frustrating part is everyone keeps advising me to get a Ministry job because that way, I can have the time to 'rear my children properly'. I did not intend to have a career in the ministry where all they do is open and close file cabinets for God's sakes! I have climbed so far in so little time - as the head of technical department in the mobile IT firm I work, it has been hard work getting there. Now I am supposed to go and work in a Ministry so I can have time for my children? What about the bankers in Abuja, don't they have time for their children?
I have serious issues running through my mind - Kafo has heard some and pacified me a bit, but some things are nagging. My mum is so excited about her only daughter's wedding and is always put out that I am not concerned about the engagement lace color combo, or the exotic aso oke combo she is thinking of combining. I am just not into the whole drama. Left to me I would just pay a planner and smile for the camera. In fact, left to me we would just go to the registry and be done in an hour. But my mum has only one daughter, and his mum wants to have a ball cos she especially loves him, never mind that they have had two weddings this year already - his sister got married in March, his brother, two weeks later in April.
The funniest part is when I see him, all my fears melt away. But I would like to know if it is normal.
My mum's over three decades older than me so to sacrifice all for a man was the norm then.
All the married ladies pls help me out....

All the Married Ladies

I have a question for the 'experienced' Naija wives out there...How do you cope with decision making in the home? I am engaged to a good quiet guy and he's nice and reasonable most times but guess what? He's from Ekiti state. That is the beginning of it all, cos we all know they are extremely stubborn people. He can be so determined over some issues at times it makes me so exasperated that I am breathless.

Now the wedding is pending and as usual the little arguements and 'issues' over wedding preps is expected, but it still makes me raise an eyebrow, cos even though I love this guy, it is a serious issue for me when he wont see reason.

I am not always right but sometimes I am sure but he wont listen. Then when I am proved right he still wont say a word. Its funny, really because I have been practicing 'agree to disagree' but its wearing me down.
Tis especially frustrating because I am used to making my own decisions and all that independence.
Now he's all luvey-duvey but am not even blinking. Is this normal?

Then the role of motherhood? Does it fit easily? Do you just become a mother, just like that? Cos I cannot begin to comprehend how my body will change over nine months and there's the childbirth part. I hear stories of how 'the lady had several tears and she had to be stitched inside and outside [shudder]' or of how 'the labor took up to 5 hours and had to be induced in the first place'. Tis making me shake. Then having a kid now without proper..er...[financial] preparation is a major issue. My cousin told me that a pack of pampers, the big size that lasts an average of 2 months, costs 54, 000 naira [yes, fifty-four thousand naira]. That alone is making me try to pinch every cost wherever I can.


Then I ask Vicky, when are we goin to start have the babies? And he replies, 'immediately of course. Why wait?'
What about my career? I am already feeling down that I have to leave the posh job I'm at in Lagos to go to the unknown in Abuja. The frustrating part is everyone keeps advising me to get a Ministry job because that way, I can have the time to 'rear my children properly'. I did not intend to have a career in the ministry where all they do is open and close file cabinets for God's sakes! I have climbed so far in so little time - as the head of technical department in the mobile IT firm I work, it has been hard work getting there. Now I am supposed to go and work in a Ministry so I can have time for my children? What about the bankers in Abuja, don't they have time for their children?
I have serious issues running through my mind - Kafo has heard some and pacified me a bit, but some things are nagging. My mum is so excited about her only daughter's wedding and is always put out that I am not concerned about the engagement lace color combo, or the exotic aso oke combo she is thinking of combining. I am just not into the whole drama. Left to me I would just pay a planner and smile for the camera. In fact, left to me we would just go to the registry and be done in an hour. But my mum has only one daughter, and his mum wants to have a ball cos she especially loves him, never mind that they have had two weddings this year already - his sister got married in March, his brother, two weeks later in April.
The funniest part is when I see him, all my fears melt away. But I would like to know if it is normal.
My mum's over three decades older than me so to sacrifice all for a man was the norm then.
All the married ladies pls help me out....

Paris said it all….

It all seemed so unreal - someone even twitted that he expected Michael to jump out of the casket and tell us it was a lie and make us roll our eyes and say, 'Oh pleez! Stop your theateritics for Pete's sake!'

But it was not to be.

I tried to watch the Michael Jackson Memorial, but I live in Nigeria, where the only TV station to show it live decided that the nine o clock news was more important than watching the service - they cut into the live feed with their news. Nigeria has not changed and we get six o clock news so why didn't they just leave it on for Pete's sake? Its not like they interrupt football anyway.

Even the internet wasnt cooperating - guess it was my low 115Kbps bandwidth that wouldn't help. So this morning as I opened my yahoomail, I saw AP news about it and clicked. This is what I found. And It finally sunk in....


By SANDY COHEN, AP Entertainment Writer – Tue Jul 7, 9:35 pm ET
LOS ANGELES –
For all the hasty preparations, hand-wringing over security, breathless media competition to scoop details and soul-wrenching performances, the essence of Michael Jackson's memorial service came down to 20 poignant, powerful seconds: the moment when 11-year-old Paris-Michael Jackson inched up to the microphone and, in a statement no one saw coming, referred to the late pop superstar as "Daddy."
It was a remarkably humanizing moment. Then again, it was remarkable just to see Jackson's three children in public to begin with.

A fiercely protective father, Jackson rarely brought his brood out into public, covering their faces in veils and party masks to protect their identity when he did.
Now here they were, unveiled, before an audience of thousands at Staples Center and millions more around the globe. Starting out seated in the front row, the three youngest Jacksons eventually joined the rest family onstage as the two-hour service wound to a close.
Dressed in the same dark suits and yellow ties as the rest of the Jackson men, 12-year-old Michael Joseph Jr., known as Prince Michael, chewed gum and toted the memorial service program; 7-year-old Prince Michael II, known as Blanket, held his program and clutched a Michael Jackson doll.

Paris, wearing a black dress with white trim, turned a small patent-leather purse over in her hands as other family members spoke. And then a dramatic hush fell over the crowd as family members whispered that the little girl, whose lifetime of public exposure amounted to a small handful of paparazzi photographs, Paris-Michael wanted to say something.

She furtively emerged from the tight circle of family members, who rushed to lower the microphone to her level. And with her uncle Randy on one side and aunt Janet on the other, Jackson's little girl stood center stage.

"I just wanted to say," Paris began weakly.
"Speak up, sweetheart, speak up," Janet encouraged, sweeping the girl's long hair back. "And get close."
Paris put one hand behind her neck, another on the microphone, and began again.
"Ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine," she said, her tiny voice cracking.
Rebbie and Marlon Jackson moved in closer to comfort their niece. She shut her eyes tight.

Then she wrapped her hands — little fingernails painted red — around the microphone and fought back tears as she continued: "And I just wanted to say I love him — so much."
She collapsed in tears into her aunt's arms.
"It's OK, baby. It's OK," Janet Jackson said as she held Paris close. Prince joined in on the hug.

And all at once, Jackson wasn't the larger-than-life King of Pop, or Wacko Jacko the tabloid freak. He was a doting father who had left three adoring young children behind.

He was "Daddy."

Nicely said. Goodbye MJ.
I am still crying...

Paris said it all….

It all seemed so unreal - someone even twitted that he expected Michael to jump out of the casket and tell us it was a lie and make us roll our eyes and say, 'Oh pleez! Stop your theateritics for Pete's sake!'

But it was not to be.

I tried to watch the Michael Jackson Memorial, but I live in Nigeria, where the only TV station to show it live decided that the nine o clock news was more important than watching the service - they cut into the live feed with their news. Nigeria has not changed and we get six o clock news so why didn't they just leave it on for Pete's sake? Its not like they interrupt football anyway.

Even the internet wasnt cooperating - guess it was my low 115Kbps bandwidth that wouldn't help. So this morning as I opened my yahoomail, I saw AP news about it and clicked. This is what I found. And It finally sunk in....


By SANDY COHEN, AP Entertainment Writer – Tue Jul 7, 9:35 pm ET
LOS ANGELES –
For all the hasty preparations, hand-wringing over security, breathless media competition to scoop details and soul-wrenching performances, the essence of Michael Jackson's memorial service came down to 20 poignant, powerful seconds: the moment when 11-year-old Paris-Michael Jackson inched up to the microphone and, in a statement no one saw coming, referred to the late pop superstar as "Daddy."
It was a remarkably humanizing moment. Then again, it was remarkable just to see Jackson's three children in public to begin with.

A fiercely protective father, Jackson rarely brought his brood out into public, covering their faces in veils and party masks to protect their identity when he did.
Now here they were, unveiled, before an audience of thousands at Staples Center and millions more around the globe. Starting out seated in the front row, the three youngest Jacksons eventually joined the rest family onstage as the two-hour service wound to a close.
Dressed in the same dark suits and yellow ties as the rest of the Jackson men, 12-year-old Michael Joseph Jr., known as Prince Michael, chewed gum and toted the memorial service program; 7-year-old Prince Michael II, known as Blanket, held his program and clutched a Michael Jackson doll.

Paris, wearing a black dress with white trim, turned a small patent-leather purse over in her hands as other family members spoke. And then a dramatic hush fell over the crowd as family members whispered that the little girl, whose lifetime of public exposure amounted to a small handful of paparazzi photographs, Paris-Michael wanted to say something.

She furtively emerged from the tight circle of family members, who rushed to lower the microphone to her level. And with her uncle Randy on one side and aunt Janet on the other, Jackson's little girl stood center stage.

"I just wanted to say," Paris began weakly.
"Speak up, sweetheart, speak up," Janet encouraged, sweeping the girl's long hair back. "And get close."
Paris put one hand behind her neck, another on the microphone, and began again.
"Ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine," she said, her tiny voice cracking.
Rebbie and Marlon Jackson moved in closer to comfort their niece. She shut her eyes tight.

Then she wrapped her hands — little fingernails painted red — around the microphone and fought back tears as she continued: "And I just wanted to say I love him — so much."
She collapsed in tears into her aunt's arms.
"It's OK, baby. It's OK," Janet Jackson said as she held Paris close. Prince joined in on the hug.

And all at once, Jackson wasn't the larger-than-life King of Pop, or Wacko Jacko the tabloid freak. He was a doting father who had left three adoring young children behind.

He was "Daddy."

Nicely said. Goodbye MJ.
I am still crying...